Friday, October 25, 2013

My 10 reasons for wanting a kid သားသမီးလိုခ်င္ရျခင္းအတြက္ ကၽြန္မရဲ႕အေၾကာင္းျပခ်က္ (၁၀) ခ်က္

My 10 reasons for wanting a kid
သားသမီးလိုခ်င္ရျခင္းအတြက္ ကၽြန္မရဲ႕အေၾကာင္းျပခ်က္ (၁၀) ခ်က္

1. I love kids. I really want to raise my own child, give her/him all my support and see how she/he will grow and stand on own feet. (my goodwill)

၁။ ကေလးေတြကိုခ်စ္တယ္။ ကိုယ့္ကေလးကို ပ်ိဳးေထာင္ခ်င္တယ္။ ပံ့ပိုးမႈေတြအားလံုး ေပးခ်င္တယ္။ ၿပီးေတာ့ သူဘယ္လိုႀကီးျပင္းၿပီး ကိုယ့္ေျခေထာက္ေပၚ ကိုယ္ရပ္လာမလဲဆိုတာ ၾကည့္ခ်င္တယ္။ (ကၽြန္မရဲ႕ေစတနာ)

2. I don’t want to miss the experience/advantage that only women can have. (my greed)
၂။ မိန္းမေတြသာလွ်င္ ရရွိႏိုင္တဲ့ အဲဒီ အေတြ႔အႀကံဳ/အခြင့္အေရးကို လက္မလြတ္ခ်င္ဘူး။ (ကၽြန္မရဲ႕ေလာဘ)

3. I am very interested in going through by myself the human-making process provided by our mother nature. (my curiosity)
၃။ သဘာဝမိခင္ႀကီးက ဖန္္တီးေပးထားတဲ့ လူျပဳလုပ္ျခင္း ျဖစ္စဥ္ကို ကုိယ္တုိင္ျဖတ္သန္းဖို႔ ကၽြန္မ အလြန္စိတ္ဝင္စားတယ္။ (ကၽြန္မရဲ႕စူးစမ္းမႈ)

4. I feel like I have done all I wanted so far and I am bored. I need the change of life. (my craziness)
၄။ အခုအခ်ိန္အထိ ကၽြန္မလုပ္ခ်င္တာေတြ အားလံုး လုပ္ၿပီးသြားၿပီလို႔ ခံစားရတယ္။ ကၽြန္မၿငီးေငြ႔လာၿပီ။ ဘဝအေျပာင္းအလဲ လိုအပ္တယ္။ (ကၽြန္မရဲ႕ရူးသြပ္မႈ)

5. With the change of life, I think I will also have new challenges to polish my abilities (as well as new subjects to create my literary work). (my ego)
၅။ အဲဒီဘဝအေျပာင္းအလဲမွာ ကၽြန္မရဲ႕ အရည္အေသြးေတြကို အေရာင္တင္ေပးဖို႔ စိန္ေခၚမႈအသစ္ေတြ ရလာမယ္လို႔ထင္တယ္။ (စာေပလက္ရာေတြ ဖန္တီးဖို႔ ကုန္ၾကမ္းေတြလည္း ရလာမွာေပါ့)။ (ကၽြန္မရဲ႕အတၱ)

6. I don’t want to run away from the ordinary ways of life that many other people are encountering. (my stubbornness)
၆။ အမ်ားသူငါ ႀကံဳေတြ႔ေနၾကရတဲ့ ပံုမွန္ျဖစ္ရိုးျဖစ္စဥ္ လူ႔ဘဝမ်ိဳးကေန ကၽြန္မ ထြက္မေျပးခ်င္ဘူး။ (ကၽြန္မရဲ႕ေခါင္းမာမႈ)

7. I want to prove that, while not trying to escape from the ordinary ways of human life and entering motherhood, a woman can still manage some other things which not everyone can achieve. (my esteem)
၇။ အဲဒီလို လူတုိင္းရဲ႕သာမန္ျဖစ္စဥ္ေတြကေန ရုန္းထြက္ဖို႔ မႀကိဳးစားေနတုန္း၊ ၿပီးေတာ့ မိခင္ဘဝကို ခံယူလိုက္တုန္းမွာပဲ မိန္းမတစ္ေယာက္ဟာ လူတုိင္းမေဆာင္ရြက္ႏိုင္တဲ့ တျခားကိစၥတခ်ိဳ႕ကိုလည္း စီမံႏိုင္ေသးတယ္ဆိုတာ ကၽြန္မက သက္ေသျပၾကည့္ခ်င္တယ္။ (ကၽြန္မရဲ႕ဂုဏ္သိကၡာ)

8. It is my gift that can make my beloved ones happy. I believe in all sorts of love. I believe in happiness. I have witnessed happy families. I think I can enjoy my life better with my devotion to family. (my hope)
၈။ ဒါဟာ ကိုယ္ခ်စ္တဲ့လူေတြကို ေပ်ာ္ရႊင္ေအာင္လုပ္ေပးႏိုင္မဲ့ ကၽြန္မရဲ႕လက္ေဆာင္တစ္ခု ျဖစ္တယ္။ ကၽြန္မက ခ်စ္ျခင္းေမတၱာ အမ်ိဳးမ်ိဳးကို ယံုၾကည္ပါတယ္။ ေပ်ာ္ရႊင္မႈကိုလည္း ယံုၾကည္တယ္။ ေပ်ာ္ရႊင္တဲ့ မိသားစုေတြကိုလည္း ႀကံဳေတြ႔ဖူးခဲ့တယ္။ မိသားစုအေပၚထားရွိတဲ့ ခ်စ္ျခင္းေမတၱာနဲ႔ ကၽြန္မရဲ႕ဘဝကို ပိုၿပီး ႏွစ္ၿခိဳက္ေပ်ာ္ရႊင္ ခံစားႏိုင္မယ္လို႔ ထင္မိတယ္။ (ကၽြန္မရဲ႕ေမွ်ာ္လင့္ခ်က္)

9. Some people believe that this ruined blue planet is not worthy of bringing in innocent babies. But I would like to try my best to generate a good person (at least not a destructive one) to this crazy world with a hope that he/she will provide a helping hand. (my ambition)
၉။ တခ်ိဳ႕လူေတြကေတာ့ ပ်က္စီးေနတဲ့ ဒီၿဂိဳဟ္ျပာႀကီးကို အျပစ္ကင္းစင္တဲ့ ကေလးငယ္ေတြကို ထပ္ေခၚမလာသင့္ေတာ့ဘူးလို႔ ယံုၾကည္ၾကတယ္။ ကၽြန္မကေတာ့ အဲဒီ ရူးသြပ္ေနတဲ့ ကမၻာႀကီးအတြက္ လူေကာင္းတစ္ေယာက္ (အနည္းဆံုးေတာ့ ဖ်က္လိုဖ်က္ဆီးမလုပ္မဲ့ လူတစ္ေယာက္) ေမြးထုတ္ၾကည့္ခ်င္တယ္။ သူက ကူညီေပးႏိုင္လိမ့္မယ္ဆိုတဲ့ ေမွ်ာ္လင့္ခ်က္တစ္ခုနဲ႔ေပါ့။ (ကၽြန္မရဲ႕ရည္မွန္းခ်က္)

10. I think all pros and cons about having a kid will make me more like a human, bring me to a more mature level and help me to find out interesting perspectives on the essence and meaning of life. (my willingness to learn)
၁၀။ သားသမီးရွိျခင္းရဲ႕ ေကာင္းက်ိဳး၊ ဆိုးက်ိဳးေတြ အားလံုးဟာ ကၽြန္မကို လူသားတစ္ေယာက္ ပိုဆန္လာေအာင္ လုပ္ေပးႏိုင္မယ္၊ ပိုၿပီးရင့္က်က္တဲ့ အဆင့္တစ္ခုကို ေခၚေဆာင္သြားႏုိင္မယ္၊ ဘဝရဲ႕အႏွစ္သာရနဲ႔ အဓိပၸာယ္အေပၚ စိတ္ဝင္စားစရာ အျမင္ေတြကို ရွာေဖြေတြ႔ရွိဖို႔ ကူညီေပးႏုိင္မယ္ လို႔ ကၽြန္မ ထင္မိတယ္။ (ကၽြန္မရဲ႕သင္ယူလိုမႈ)

Pandora
24.10.2013
ပန္ဒိုရာ
၂၄.၁၀.၂၀၁၃

10 comments:

Kay Thwel said...

you choose life or.. life choose you. Whatever it is, we all need to try to content our life in a way we were shaped. I think, people actually don't need these glorious reasons to have a kid. Mother nature simply make us ( women) wanting kids.. or having kids. Embrace nature without counting reasons.

At least, you are going to be arrested in LIFE. Kiss you Life. :)

ဇြန္မိုးစက္ said...

ဖတ္မိသြားၿပီ...မပန္။ ဇြန္ စာေမးပြဲၿပီးရင္ေရးဖုိ႔ စာရင္းထဲ တုိ႔ထားလုိက္မယ္ေနာ္။ အိမ္ေထာင္သည္မဟုတ္ေပမယ့္ ကုိယ္တုိင္က မိန္းမသားတစ္ေယာက္ျဖစ္ေနေတာ့ ဒီအေၾကာင္းရာမ်ိဳးအေပၚ ထားရွိခဲ့ဖူးတဲ့စိတ္ခံစားခ်က္နဲ႔ ေရးၾကည့္ခ်င္တယ္။

pandora said...

Thanks so much Ma K. :)

ဇြန္ုမိုးစက္ ေရးပါေနာ္။ ေက်းဇူးပါ။ :)

Yin Myo Kaung said...

I would like to respond to your 10 Reasons for wanting a kid even though I am not a blogger. This topic is very personal and is relating to women’s rights. The topic has come up recently, and many women involving in the discussion were very opinionated about why they would rather have a child of their own or why they would not. We, as women, are always criticized for not having enough of something: too skinny, too fat, too ugly, too sexy, too short, too tall, too dark, too pale, too ambitious, too lazy, having kids, not having kids, too rich, too poor and etc. When it comes to a woman, our society has created the way it wants to see in her: getting married at right time, having kids, and building a successful family. Our society will find a way to criticize us no matter what path of our lives we choose. In my opinion, as long as we respect each other’s decisions, we should never have a debate or an argument over this topic.
Some women are simply busy with their lives. Nowadays, many young women choose to stay as a single and want to pursue their carrier first before they start their own family. Some even wait until their 40s’ to start their family. It is their choice, and we have to learn how to respect their decisions. It is needless to say that women who are driven by their own ambitions are less likely to depend on their spouses.
Many scientific reproductive methods also make women to wait until the last minute to have a baby. Unlike men, women have a biological clock that stops ticking when the time is reached. That does not stop them to have a baby at their later age. A tube-baby, artificial insemination, and In vitro fertilization make it possible for women to have babies at any age. The only thing they need is to freeze their eggs to utilize it later.
Some women choose to not have a baby. They have so many answers why they choose to live that way. Some say they cannot afford to raise a child; some say they do not want to have extra inconveniences _ mid-night get-up, changing diapers, and feeding a baby in the middle of the night; some say they do not want to loose their privacy; some say they do not want to bring back the old memories they have when they have been raised by their parents; and some say they want to simply focus on their carrier. In this case, there is a question which can be raised. Can women have it all? The answer is yes, we can. There are many successful women who are excelling in both carriers and motherhood. Hillary Rodham Clinton is one of them. Please do not forget that she was even criticized for having one child only.
One category I would like to include in this is those women who cannot procreate. We cannot assume someone who does not a baby as a selfish woman. They have to live the way the God has created it even if they want to have the child of their own.
The most important thing we all have to remember is we have kids because of our “WANTS,” not because of our “NEEDS.” We want our own kids to nurture them, to give them the lives they deserve, and to help them grow to reach their potential. We should not need a child to save a marriage or a relationship. If we are having kids for that particular reason, we are making their lives miserable.
To have a child or to not have a child is the fundamental right of women. The women have a right to decide for their own bodies and wombs. It is up to them to decide whether they choose to have a baby or they choose to not have a baby, whether they have a baby at a later age or they have a baby at an early age, and whether they give birth to a child or they give birth to more than one child. What matters the most to me is that we should all learn how to respect other’s decision.
Thank you for letting me share my view on this issue.

pandora said...

Dear Yin Myo Kaung,

I am so glad to receive your candid comments on this issue. Sure, I cannot agree more. Writing this post, I would also like to draw people’s attention that this is a woman’s own choice and right “to want” or “not to want” kids. The rationales might also include a mix of self-centered views and certain amount of kind feelings. Of course, there is a role of the partner in making the decision and attempting too.

Talking about “needs”, maybe it is the “need” of the overall society to grow the new generation. And even if it is regarded as a responsibility, it should be collective. The society’s opinions and expectations should not lie on women’s shoulders alone.

Some assume that it’s just natural for women to want kids. While it is not wrong, I think, especially in this modern world, things are more challenging and complicated. Individuals are in need of more space and women are not the exception. Hence, having or not having kids becomes a deliberate and conscious decision for some women.

In fact, I wanted to add on - “my reasons DO NOT include (1) because I want to save marriage (2) because my parents/hubby/in-laws urge me (3) because of peer pressure (4) because this is a woman’s responsibility , etc.” But I took them away as some might interpret them offending.

In any case, definitely we all need to respect different decisions made by individual women based on their different thinking and conditions.

Best,
Pandora

pandora said...

Some more..

I am also aware that it’s a sensitive issue for those who want kids but cannot get one. But here in my post, the point is just “the reasons for wanting and not wanting”. It’s not “the reasons for having and not having”. I had hard time spending several years with consecutive failures. Wanting is just wanting. Trying is trying. Having is another story.

For some, it might be financial or social reasons that associate with their not wanting/trying/having kids. Perhaps they just cannot afford their time and money on it. Maybe they have other priorities. Those who try and cannot get it can still be happy with their best attempts and then move on. Nothing is the end of the world. Many people can lead a happy life without kids.

Best,
Pandora

Yin Myo Kaung said...

Misspelling correction
Please read "career" instead of "carrier" in my comment.
Sorry for misspelling.

Yin Myo Kaung said...

Dear Pandora,

I am glad to see your response. The main reason why I wrote the comment was to defend those women who were not able to procreate and who did not have children for some reasons. I have love and respect to all mothers on the earth including my mum whom I love so dearly. I am hugely indebted to the sacrifices, time, energy, and devotion she put to raise me to become who I am today. There is no doubt that I will ever pay back all the things she has done to me.
I also understand that pregnancy is a beautiful thing and motherhood is a blessing. However, there are some women who are not lucky enough to experience motherhood. They may be sitting in the dark quietly and longing for babies they cannot have or they do not have. One of the bloggers who openly writes about her infertility is Ma Khin Oo May from Singapore. Every time I get to read her posts, I feel so sorry for her. If you take all of your good ten reasons to ask those women whether they have what it takes, I wonder what their answers will be. Even in my imagination, it will be indescribable pain for them. The only thing I would like to ask from you is love, kindness, and respect for those who cannot/ do not have babies of their own.
I assume that you are now in the process of becoming a mother. I respectfully congratulate you for your motherhood and wish you all the best. I look forward to reading some stories about a mommy and her child.
I hope that the discussion between you and I helps some women realize their rights, especially in Myanmar where women’s rights have not been informed and exercised properly. I am also glad to speak up for those who cannot speak up for themselves.
(P.S. I emailed you once when you were here in the U.S. and I, somehow, lost contact with you. I inquired you about a poem book written by various female poets including yourself. The book is still on my to-buy list when I have a chance to visit Myanmar.)

Regards,
Yin Myo Kaung

pandora said...

I believed that my post was more factual, did not have sentimental tone and I thought I had my right to express my opinions. But I think the problem lies on “tagging” and wanting to know from others. But frankly, I had also got difficult time to ponder whether leaving some people out from tagging can even make them feel worse. Hence, I just tagged all at large. It has been long since I socialized in blogosphere and it seems my intention to re-socialize with people turns out to be contrary. Anyway, I will be more mindful in future. Thanks for your points. Just hope that people do not see me as an evil person without love, kindness, and respect for those who cannot/ do not have babies of their own.

Now I have deleted my lines about tagging.

“Stories about a mommy and her child”? I have to think twice now. In fact the 10 reasons post is just an initial step/intro to motivate those particular people who failed in their initial attempts but still have time/chances to try more. But some may not even bear with hearing (the hard journey of) a success story and I have to take it into consideration.

I have got to be away from online activities for a month or more from now on. My clock is ticking. I won’t be able to reply to the messages on blog and facebook. I may check emails occasionally. Feel free to write to poetpandora@gmail.com. Ya, now I remember that you wrote to me once.

All the best,

Pandora

Mhu Darye said...

I admire